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wasabi_poptartThe David's Bridal warehouse experience was traumatic, to say the least. I finally understand why my sister does what she does, if only to offer a humane alternative to that loathsome Walmart of the wedding industry (which is already a redundancy). Actually, if the David's experience is indicative of the wedding industry as a whole, the gay community ought to count their blessings they are exempt from the horror. It's THAT BAD.
When you first approach the megastore, there's a limousine parked out front and a creepy guy in a tux beckons you to take a look inside. Yeah, nice try but trust me, I've watched too many John Carpenter movies to fall for that one.
Once you enter the store, you see racks upon racks of dresses. One side is all white dresses, the other is a cacophany of garish satin and chiffon tossed together in some semblance of order, but not really. We're talking hundreds of dresses. Thousands, even. All in the same basic colors and styles. So much for looking like one-of-a-kind on your special day. I'm wondering how many Malaysian children worked how many hours and how much they earned to produce all this frippery. I don't say anything, of course; I love my friend, and it wouldn't be appreciated, but all the same I'm thinking of monkeys and typewriters and Mr. Show. I can't help myself.
And this all transpired on a warm Spring afternoon in the People's Republic of Glen Burnie. Now, I do not mean to sound classist, because as a proud resident of Baltimore I am no better and no worse than any other, and Lord knows I myself have my share of tattoos, and Lord knows I myself am not a thin woman, but ... well, perhaps you can see where I am going with this. On behalf of all fat, tattooed Baltimore women, I like to think this was not a representative sample.
Everything was RIDICULOUSLY overpriced, of course. Combs and tiaras you could buy at Michaels for $12 were tagged at more than ten times that amount. I saw a veil not nearly as pretty as the one I made for my sister on sale (ON SALE!) for $99. And the shoes. Don't even get me started on the shoes. I considered buying a pair of Swavorski-encrusted clear plastic flip-flops to walk my dog in. It would certainly make a statement.
I'm not even going to go into the chaos of the fitting rooms and the bovine apathy of the stock girls. I can't say I blame them. I don't think I'd last five minutes. I think, instead of Going Postal, the expression ought to be Going Bridal. Anyone who's been to David's on a Saturday would understand.
At one point the song that came over the Muzak system was "Can't Buy Me Love." I turned to share the moment of delicious irony with the person standing next to me, but then I remembered I was out in Their World and in space, nobody can hear you snark. I'm not sure anyone else was paying attention anyway.
When you first approach the megastore, there's a limousine parked out front and a creepy guy in a tux beckons you to take a look inside. Yeah, nice try but trust me, I've watched too many John Carpenter movies to fall for that one.
Once you enter the store, you see racks upon racks of dresses. One side is all white dresses, the other is a cacophany of garish satin and chiffon tossed together in some semblance of order, but not really. We're talking hundreds of dresses. Thousands, even. All in the same basic colors and styles. So much for looking like one-of-a-kind on your special day. I'm wondering how many Malaysian children worked how many hours and how much they earned to produce all this frippery. I don't say anything, of course; I love my friend, and it wouldn't be appreciated, but all the same I'm thinking of monkeys and typewriters and Mr. Show. I can't help myself.
And this all transpired on a warm Spring afternoon in the People's Republic of Glen Burnie. Now, I do not mean to sound classist, because as a proud resident of Baltimore I am no better and no worse than any other, and Lord knows I myself have my share of tattoos, and Lord knows I myself am not a thin woman, but ... well, perhaps you can see where I am going with this. On behalf of all fat, tattooed Baltimore women, I like to think this was not a representative sample.
Everything was RIDICULOUSLY overpriced, of course. Combs and tiaras you could buy at Michaels for $12 were tagged at more than ten times that amount. I saw a veil not nearly as pretty as the one I made for my sister on sale (ON SALE!) for $99. And the shoes. Don't even get me started on the shoes. I considered buying a pair of Swavorski-encrusted clear plastic flip-flops to walk my dog in. It would certainly make a statement.
I'm not even going to go into the chaos of the fitting rooms and the bovine apathy of the stock girls. I can't say I blame them. I don't think I'd last five minutes. I think, instead of Going Postal, the expression ought to be Going Bridal. Anyone who's been to David's on a Saturday would understand.
At one point the song that came over the Muzak system was "Can't Buy Me Love." I turned to share the moment of delicious irony with the person standing next to me, but then I remembered I was out in Their World and in space, nobody can hear you snark. I'm not sure anyone else was paying attention anyway.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:00 pm (UTC)And besides being a great humanitarian, your sister's dresses are so very pretty.
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Date: 2007-05-07 03:52 pm (UTC)Aww. Thanks, hon. Honestly, that made my day. There's been so much crap to deal with in setting up the business side of it that I need to remember WHY I'm doing it.
[Pretty Pretty Dresses, of course!!!]
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:02 pm (UTC)You should have seen the looks on their faces when I dropped the bomb! They would have taken the dress back if they could.
PS- I have in-laws that live in Glen Burnie. They are...interesting.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:09 pm (UTC)I think the worst bridal shop experience was when I shopped with a friend one year older than me and the woman working in the shop assumed that she was my mother. Next, she assumed that she was my sister (what, everyone with the same ethnic background must be related?). She then proceeded to try to ask me a lot of questions about my mother until I finally had to tell her that my mother was deceased. Yay.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:46 pm (UTC)at least I got a little piece of butter cake.
Expose!
Date: 2007-05-07 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:26 pm (UTC)I have someone on my friends list who actually found a lovely dress (seriously) at David's, but their customer service leaves a bit to be desired.
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Date: 2007-05-07 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:40 pm (UTC)I can second every word, though. David's Bridal is a horrific place. There's also this huge chasm between the Wal-Mart wedding they offer and the mortgage-your-house boutique dresses. There's no middle at all!
When I was getting married, my mom and I said we should go into the veil business. $2 of tulle sells for $200+ when you call it a veil.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:46 pm (UTC)Did I mention I hate them?
It's so wonderful to once in a while have a reason to really get dressed up and go to town. Weddings are the ideal opportunity to do that. Then they throw in the kicker: Yeah, you can go to the ball, kid, but you've gotta wear THIS. And spend A LOT for the privilege.
Scam, total scam.
To your other comment, "Going Bridal" exists. The lady is a genius:
http://www.goingbridal.com/
Can you shop anywhere else?
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 02:50 pm (UTC)http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=2813&prodgroup=110&sid=12921
but I'll be damned if I'm going back there for shoes.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 03:54 pm (UTC)But of course you'll need the hair in curlers and the lime green spandex leggings.
My sister, the HAMDEN HAWN.
*so, so proud*
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 03:42 pm (UTC)I hated all the wedding dresses i found.
I DID love the bridesmaid dress for my sister that I found in polka-dots!
http://xa7.xanga.com/beed545147631121543334/m87626741.jpg
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 03:57 pm (UTC)I read it out loud to J and even he (who pays little attention to word-smithing) mentioned that you must have been in rare form when you wrote it. Just wonderful. You should share it everywhere. I'm tempted to ask/see how I can link it to my website without getting in trouble somehow.
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Date: 2007-05-07 04:09 pm (UTC)I didn't even mention the very worst thing I saw, which was this:
That's right. A satin camouflage toss garter, trimmed in black tulle and decorated with a United States army medallion. There was one for the Marines, too.
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Date: 2007-05-07 08:28 pm (UTC)*faints away*
*opens one eye; it's still THERE*
*faints again*
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Date: 2007-05-09 09:22 am (UTC)I was going to post in my LJ about this idea and ask for anecdotes. Would it be ok to link to this post as an example of DER FUNNIEST I've ever read and exactly what I'm looking for? I didn't see that it was locked or anything, but I thought I'd ask. If it's ok, how would you feel about my using the cammie garter pic too? It's too perfect. I would just have to photoshop that 'David's Bridal' logo off it.
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Date: 2007-05-09 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 06:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 07:28 pm (UTC)Never ever returing. Got married in jeans.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 08:01 pm (UTC)I mean, the funeral industry is pretty horrible too, but at least you aren't expected to be there.
Gay Weddings & David's Bridal
Date: 2007-05-07 11:00 pm (UTC)First, they wouldn't let BF's fiancee sign up for a bridal dressing room because she wasn't trying on dresses, just Mother-of-Bride pants suits, and there was already "one bride" in the party registered.
Then, I had a hard time finding things to fit. I was a 22 at the time, and NONE of the separates' samples were going on. The saleslady took BF's sister outside my dressing room, and began to tell her about other stores that catered to "your friend's special problems."
I then went into Julia-Roberts-in-Steel-Magnolias mode, crying and yelling that "I CAN HEAR YOU OUT THERE!" I got dressed, met up with the two brides, who were now also in tears, and we walked out of there and straight into the Chili's next door to have many beers and forget we were ever in that place.
Re: Gay Weddings & David's Bridal
Date: 2007-05-07 11:46 pm (UTC)Do you mind if I share that story with the bride-to-be? I think she will be greatly amused. If I know her she'll still be stinging from that hurtful "eat a salad" comment for some time to come.
Re: Gay Weddings & David's Bridal
Date: 2007-05-07 11:58 pm (UTC)Oh, and share this site with her as well: Etiquette Hell. Sweetie & I have been reading it non-stop, it's like a train wreck of wedding horror stories!
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Date: 2007-05-08 12:09 am (UTC)Are there no mom and pop joints?
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Date: 2007-05-08 12:17 am (UTC)However, they DID make me have an appointment, and there was a matronly little old lady who attached herself to us the whole time we were there. And we didn't go on Saturday.
Still: glad I'll never have to do that again. EVAH.
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Date: 2007-05-09 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-09 01:22 am (UTC)When I went dress shopping, it was more like dress-trying-on-so-mom-could-make-me-something-nice, and all the pressure was off. that and we went on a sunday am, and thank GOD got the one saleslady who could not give a flying fuck what we did or what we bought, and when we asked for the most god-awful style to try on for fun, laughed her ass off.
I think I also scared the lady at the door who tried yelling at me to get me to tell her my shoe size. I told her I wasn't trying on shoes, then told her I was not going to be wearing shoes so she could shove them. My mom laughed and laughed at that one.
Oy, they're some scary folks.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-09 03:58 pm (UTC)eurghhh!
I find the whole world of weddings to be a foul and repulsive thing. Ick. Makes me feel like a need a good wash.
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Date: 2007-05-09 04:10 pm (UTC)Show me a good happy solid marriage and then I'll see something that's worth celebrating.