I don't

[wasabi_poptart]

The David's Bridal warehouse experience was traumatic, to say the least. I finally understand why my sister does what she does, if only to offer a humane alternative to that loathsome Walmart of the wedding industry (which is already a redundancy). Actually, if the David's experience is indicative of the wedding industry as a whole, the gay community ought to count their blessings they are exempt from the horror. It's THAT BAD.

When you first approach the megastore, there's a limousine parked out front and a creepy guy in a tux beckons you to take a look inside. Yeah, nice try but trust me, I've watched too many John Carpenter movies to fall for that one.

Once you enter the store, you see racks upon racks of dresses. One side is all white dresses, the other is a cacophany of garish satin and chiffon tossed together in some semblance of order, but not really. We're talking hundreds of dresses. Thousands, even. All in the same basic colors and styles. So much for looking like one-of-a-kind on your special day. I'm wondering how many Malaysian children worked how many hours and how much they earned to produce all this frippery. I don't say anything, of course; I love my friend, and it wouldn't be appreciated, but all the same I'm thinking of monkeys and typewriters and Mr. Show. I can't help myself.

And this all transpired on a warm Spring afternoon in the People's Republic of Glen Burnie. Now, I do not mean to sound classist, because as a proud resident of Baltimore I am no better and no worse than any other, and Lord knows I myself have my share of tattoos, and Lord knows I myself am not a thin woman, but ... well, perhaps you can see where I am going with this. On behalf of all fat, tattooed Baltimore women, I like to think this was not a representative sample.

Everything was RIDICULOUSLY overpriced, of course. Combs and tiaras you could buy at Michaels for $12 were tagged at more than ten times that amount. I saw a veil not nearly as pretty as the one I made for my sister on sale (ON SALE!) for $99. And the shoes. Don't even get me started on the shoes. I considered buying a pair of Swavorski-encrusted clear plastic flip-flops to walk my dog in. It would certainly make a statement.

I'm not even going to go into the chaos of the fitting rooms and the bovine apathy of the stock girls. I can't say I blame them. I don't think I'd last five minutes. I think, instead of Going Postal, the expression ought to be Going Bridal. Anyone who's been to David's on a Saturday would understand.

At one point the song that came over the Muzak system was "Can't Buy Me Love." I turned to share the moment of delicious irony with the person standing next to me, but then I remembered I was out in Their World and in space, nobody can hear you snark. I'm not sure anyone else was paying attention anyway.

Comments

[pity.livejournal.com]

I have been to David's exactly twice and each time I vowed never to do that to anyone for my own wedding. Which I managed to follow-through on, thankfully.

And besides being a great humanitarian, your sister's dresses are so very pretty.

[donrickles.livejournal.com]

Ha. That place is god awful. I bought my wedding dress at David's Bridal but it was a red bridesmaid's dress in the window that fit off the rack. I didn't tell the ladies I was doing anything for a wedding until I signed the receipt. I told them I saw the dress in the window and it was perfect for a formal I was going to.

You should have seen the looks on their faces when I dropped the bomb! They would have taken the dress back if they could.

PS- I have in-laws that live in Glen Burnie. They are...interesting.

[puzzledance.livejournal.com]

One time I had the audacity to show up at a David's Bridal without an appointment, and I was not even permitted to try on any dresses.

I think the worst bridal shop experience was when I shopped with a friend one year older than me and the woman working in the shop assumed that she was my mother. Next, she assumed that she was my sister (what, everyone with the same ethnic background must be related?). She then proceeded to try to ask me a lot of questions about my mother until I finally had to tell her that my mother was deceased. Yay.

[bloominglotus.livejournal.com]

When Thadd and I got married I thought I would go to David's and find something semi-formal to wear for the wedding. I wound up getting married in an outfit from NY & Co. because...just NO. I will never set foot in a David's ever again.

I have someone on my friends list who actually found a lovely dress (seriously) at David's, but their customer service leaves a bit to be desired.

[kitteridge.livejournal.com]

Hate. Hate. Hate bridal outfits.

Did I mention I hate them?

It's so wonderful to once in a while have a reason to really get dressed up and go to town. Weddings are the ideal opportunity to do that. Then they throw in the kicker: Yeah, you can go to the ball, kid, but you've gotta wear THIS. And spend A LOT for the privilege.

Scam, total scam.

To your other comment, "Going Bridal" exists. The lady is a genius:

http://www.goingbridal.com/

Can you shop anywhere else?

[flyfarfaraway.livejournal.com]

I had a love/hate experience with Davids m'self.

I hated all the wedding dresses i found.

I DID love the bridesmaid dress for my sister that I found in polka-dots!

http://xa7.xanga.com/beed545147631121543334/m87626741.jpg

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

No shit, this was the funniest/best written thing I read all day.

I read it out loud to J and even he (who pays little attention to word-smithing) mentioned that you must have been in rare form when you wrote it. Just wonderful. You should share it everywhere. I'm tempted to ask/see how I can link it to my website without getting in trouble somehow.

[hannahchan.livejournal.com]

And you were so looking forward to this, too! I'm sorry it was such a nightmare. At least you got your dress. Which means you never have to go there again. Whew!

[waywardgaze.livejournal.com]

I managed to have a ball the one time I'll ever go in my life, for my oldest friend's wedding...but that was only because we made the bride try on dresses with us and loudly made fun of ourselves, okay, in this dress it looks like I should sell off acres of my ass for people to build their dream houses on!. We spread terror among the other shoppers. And I managed to find a lovely navy blue corset dress thing.

Never ever returing. Got married in jeans.

Gay Weddings & David's Bridal

[dee-cee.livejournal.com]

My best friend, her now wife, me, and bf's sister all went to the evil Hellmouth known as David's Bridal in Dedham, MA.

First, they wouldn't let BF's fiancee sign up for a bridal dressing room because she wasn't trying on dresses, just Mother-of-Bride pants suits, and there was already "one bride" in the party registered.

Then, I had a hard time finding things to fit. I was a 22 at the time, and NONE of the separates' samples were going on. The saleslady took BF's sister outside my dressing room, and began to tell her about other stores that catered to "your friend's special problems."

I then went into Julia-Roberts-in-Steel-Magnolias mode, crying and yelling that "I CAN HEAR YOU OUT THERE!" I got dressed, met up with the two brides, who were now also in tears, and we walked out of there and straight into the Chili's next door to have many beers and forget we were ever in that place.

[seaya.livejournal.com]

That's a chain isn't it?

Are there no mom and pop joints?

[jimmyleggs.livejournal.com]

I went to a Davids in Philly. I snuck away with my best friend to try on a million dresses KNOWING that I probably wouldn't find one I liked, and expecting it to be miserable. It was a fact-finding mission alone.

However, they DID make me have an appointment, and there was a matronly little old lady who attached herself to us the whole time we were there. And we didn't go on Saturday.

Still: glad I'll never have to do that again. EVAH.

[grlwithcamera.livejournal.com]

you left out the best part of the story --- the part about the SALAD!

[kumquatmay]

david's is horrific.

When I went dress shopping, it was more like dress-trying-on-so-mom-could-make-me-something-nice, and all the pressure was off. that and we went on a sunday am, and thank GOD got the one saleslady who could not give a flying fuck what we did or what we bought, and when we asked for the most god-awful style to try on for fun, laughed her ass off.

I think I also scared the lady at the door who tried yelling at me to get me to tell her my shoe size. I told her I wasn't trying on shoes, then told her I was not going to be wearing shoes so she could shove them. My mom laughed and laughed at that one.

Oy, they're some scary folks.

[aster13.livejournal.com]

(via weegoddess)

eurghhh!

I find the whole world of weddings to be a foul and repulsive thing. Ick. Makes me feel like a need a good wash.